EHHH.

"Jealousy is a weak emotion" (stolen from thang)

Yes it is. I'm trying to work on it but its hard. poo face kdfjdskfdls

The Sky has never looked so clear.

Homework break. haha though I really shouldnt be taking a break.

Ooh, and i guess we made it, Or at least we made it this far..


And it all looks smooth from here.

LOVE PHAILY.

Saturday Night Song Compelation.

its saturday night and im at home. at least people are having fun for me at friendship games :)

So many questions. I hate just being here by myself.

" These girls got kyrptonite. How do I breathe. Feels so different being here. Don't know why i let it go too far. But I gottah be straight up, i just wanna kiss & make up. Help me understand. But i still remember, how it felt when our love was strong. Faded pictures. Standing here looking out my window. How can I be so damn demanding. Every day I wanna pick up the phone. I'm missing you. It could all be so simple but you'd rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle. See no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will. No matter how i think we grow, you always seem to let me know it aint working. Let me sing it in a harmony. If I were a boy, i think I could understand. I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her, cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you love cause he's taking you for granted. Ohhhh boyy, Ohhhh boy. Im not your substitute lover. Ohhh boy, ohhhh boy. You know theres gonna be a fight if these chicks keep calling you at night. I see that text you trying to hide, see i know the truth. Must be out of your mind, you thought i'd never see the day, you thought i'd let a playa play. I wish I could rip out a page. I can't wait til I get through this faze. I didn't need the pain, once or twice was enough and it was all in vain. All I know is, ima be okay. Its gonna hurt when it heals too. It'll all get better in time. Even though I really love you, i'm gonna smile because I deserve to. I remain hold on cause I want you. I been thinking about you lately, thoughts take me to when we were close. Addicted to your love I need another dose. My friends say it was a change for the better, but boy I say, you changed my forever. Everywhere I turn I keep seeing signs. Baby I hope you feel the same way, dont let me waste the whole day. You got my heart, you got my mind. Even when we werent together, it was you i thought of. He gave me poetry, he was my first. That is all behind me, cause now there is no other. Love of my life, you are my friend. Do it for you not for nobody else."

Chasing Pavements.

Should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads no where.

Well.. im not gonna give up now or so easily. its been better days. im excited for Halloween but sad im not going to friendship games. poo.

"Ew she's hella ugly."

hahah i love laurieanne.

cant wait til the holidays/winter :)

It really is a new year already. almost.. im still working on some stuff.

Queso.

elaine is retarded. officially. foreal. no, i am not kidding. really..

anyway, aside from elaines retardation.. school is queso. lol

juliana just grossed me out. foreal. no, i am not kidding.

DONT MAKE PLANS WITH ME IF YOUR NOT GONNA STICK WITH THEM. FCCUUUK.

being mad, again.

LOVE PHAILY

Live Your Life..

"Nevermind what haters say, ignore them til they FADE away."

thats all i have to think everytime i'm reminded of HER. which seems to be happening a lot.

One day at a time.

loving school. busy week.. homework!

AMAZERFUL.

Work Sucks. haha oh well im getting paid right laurieanne!? I had yoswirl last night, didn't satisfy my craving :( Im excited about next week it seems like its gonna be really busy though cause of Al Fresco, and then were gonna start having Rush Events for AKO. i laaaaaaavee school. hahah.

I guess i'm gonna have to just deal with it. remember to take it one day at a time. so what i can't show the world what i have but at the end of the day, i know whats happening. and even though the future of it is uncertain, im not gonna just give up, ima just have to deal. I dont really wanna think about if it ends up in vain anymore, i wanna live in themoment and hope for the best like ive been doing.

take history with me! cause i'm talking to nobody right. haha this blog is funny i know like maybe 1 person that reads it. Its more to think outloud to myself anyway.. so when i look back and read i remember what i was going through. This blog has been a venting thing for me, and hopefully someday SOON i wont need it anymore because i think blogs are for more depressing/lesson learning days. Once your completely happy you wont need a blog to remember that.

Im hungryyyyy.

LOVE PHAILY

I know i misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work

But I think we should take it slow

This ain't a movie no

No fairy tale conclusion ya'll

It gets more confusing everyday

Sometimes it's heaven sent

Then we head back to hell again

We kiss and we make up on the way

Cool Beans.

"If I had to do it all again,
I wouldn't take away the rain,
Cause I know it made me who i am.
If I had to do it all again,
I've learned so much from my mistakes."

Tomorrow i'll be spending my last day of summer working. I'm just ready for a new beginning and ready to end the year right..

Ran today, whoot. :)

LOVE PHAILY.

At the End of Everyday

"For I saw us dancing through sunshine and rain

And I saw us laughing through joy and through pain

And I saw time passing but we did not change

And I still saw us together at the end of every day"

feeeling a little blueeeeee.

Craaazy

stressed times a thousand.

thank you for all the birthday wishes and people who hung out with meeee you made my day brighter :)

Live, Love, Learn, Let Go

I think thats the order.. and if your doing at least one of those, your a-o-k.

gonna be MIA from now until sunday. blog all about it then :)

LOVE PHAILY

Nineteen.

Birthday to me. Not happy.

Tonight.

fcukin sucked. ruined my night..

i dont even really care about my birthday, i'd rather have the week be over with.

This whole year has been so bad, that skipping my birthday wouldn't matter anyway.

im just being negative right now, but its hard to be anything but right now.

askfjdskjhfskdhf

Sweetest Thing - Lauryn Hill

"Sweetest thing I've ever known
was like the kiss on the collar bone
the soft caress of happiness
the way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak
oh baby, just to hear you speak."


Clubbing was fun last night, I wish the night lasted longer but like anything and everything, nothing lasts forever.. well almost everything. It was pretty fun tho, the security guy gave me a 21 and over wristband just cause lol. After the club tho, reality just hit me again. Do I really mess up all the time? and if I do, its never on purpose I know that.

A million reasons to stay, a million reasons to leave... either way it hurts, still.

This weekend will be chill then another full hectic week.


"Its just emotions taking me over
caught up in sorrow, lost in the song.."

LOVE PHAILY

"You Got Me" - One Block Radius

"No need to wonder why

Baby you got me

Nobody else fits me

it feels tailor made

Nobody else fits me."

Today was eh oh kay. Woke up late didn't study took tests all day. Didn't pass any of them but I'll past them next time, that I promise. Now i'm home.. I guess i'll just do laundry clean my room and study. No running for me. Why does all my friends (the ones that run anyway) like to run during the day? its hot and the sun is rar! The cool night air is calming for me while running. I guess all you really need is music but even I dont have that.. I think I should invest in a shuffle cause its lightweight and I can run with it. Wheres my thang when I need her? shes the only one that shares my love for running at night.. and the only one thats always down to run with me.. then eat with me HAHA.

Heres to one day down.. 13 or so more days to go.

LOVE PHAILY

Waiting.

I'm waiting for the laundry to be done. I'm excited for this weeeekend :) I'm excited for my birthday now.. kinda. rarr i'm hungry. aww my best is leaving this weekend tho :( its okay shes coming back for my birthdaaay :).

Today I just worked then went to the mall.. I know I shouldn't have but I bought another purse.. I know I know! And.. I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to add friends on this blog thingy. Well not that I would have any anyway except for john lol :)

Happier today than usual. That makes me thankful.

LOVE PHAILY

Lie About Us - Avant...

...The song of my year .

"and you'd give anything to get whats fair, but fair aint what you really need."

I know im being really materialistic right now, but I want a dress for my bdayy. Two dresses actually.. lol one for clubbing one for dinner :) and I just bought a new purse :) ahh the wonders of retail therapy.

had a lot of food comas lately.. im hungry.

Crazy!

Last night went from okay to bad, then really bad, then really GOOD, then okay.. then REALLY REALLY BAD.. then kinda ehh good? i hope so. wow last night was crazy. thats all haha

LOVE PHAILY

Energy

Its 4:30 in the morning. I dont really have energy and I have work in the morning :( I'm driving myself craazy. I know what's right... so why is it so hard for me to do the right thing? I've been telling myself that i'm going to be a better person but it hasn't exaaactly happened yet.. one more day I guess.. I know i'm running out of time and since time hasn't ever really been on my side to begin with, things need to happen soon. I can't keep driving myself crazy everyday. Craaazy for something I'm not even sure is worth it anymore. ehh i'm gonna sleep now.

LOVE PHAILY

Undeniable

The past few days have been fun. It has also made it harder for me to just give up, walk away and forget. Some things are just undeniable. Wrong maybe, but undeniable none the less.

write more later... inspiration has left the brain haha ..



"You're the only one when this world collides
The one that I can't deny."

LOVE PHAILY

Once or Twice was enough..

.. And it was all in vain.

I'm not bipolar or anything.. but i hate being sad one day, happy the next.. and then to know again im sad. Lately i've been two speeds: high or low.

How do you walk away from something knowing its the right thing but you still want to fight anyway? Walking away is harder than tyrying.

Patron on the rocks please. i just wanna daance.. :)

LOVE PHAILY

And today was a day just like any other..

"The Mixed Tape"

by Jacks Mannequin

This is morning
That's when I spend the most time
Thinking 'bout what I've given up
This is a warning
When you start the day just to close the curtains
You're thinking 'bout what I've given up

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

And I can't get to you
I can't get to you
I can't get to you (you, you)

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I conduct a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I'm cutting through you track by track
I swear to God this mix could sink the sun
But it was you I was thinking of

And where are you now?
And where are you now?

And this is my mixed tape for her
It's like I wrote every note
With my own fingers

LOVE PHAILY

Fate has a place and time.

If fate has a place and time, then there is no such thing as timing. Timing as in that " I liked you when I was going out with him.. " or " If I had met you two days before.." or "Your a month too late.. and now we can't be together. " None of that can be blamed on being "off on timing" anymore cause it was fate that those things happened in the first place..Well depending if you believe in fate or not. I really don't know which I believe in anymore. Or actually, which one I WANT to believe in because i've sord of always felt like my timing was off.. but i guess it was just fate all along.. That makes me hate fate.


LOVE PHAILY.

The Year, the Summer.

Yay I made a new blog. Well I just wanted to start off saying I know ive had some bad summers, boring summers, okay summers before... but this summer by far, has been the worst. In fact, this whole year has been pretty bad in general. 2008 is just not my year.

On a brighter note.. I wouldn't give up anybody I met this year .. I would, however, give up some of the things I did this year. I guess thats why i'm looking foward to school starting. Thinking of it as a fresh start... and also to keep busy from certain thoughts that Ive been thinking about all summer.

I guess besides certain things though, this summer has been alright.. got to hang out a lot with my old friends plus my SAS. My best friend and SBF are leaving soon to school though :( never studied so much in my life either.. haha.

Fcuk time.. :) time is not of the essence, its of the undecided. haha im just being negative right now.. I know time is important, don't worry. :)

Looking foward to: finishing SAS stuff and my birthday :) I guess until next time...

LOVE PHAILY.